And Now..

Aug. 10th, 2011 09:17 am
candidgamera: (Default)
A Musical Adaptation of Harlan Ellison.

./7 I have no mouth, and I must SIIIIIING! ./7

Thank you.
candidgamera: (Default)
I'm alive. I'm not ready to join the Von Trapp family singers, but I live. To celebrate, I have a humor meme thing.

The tagline for 1978's Superman movie was "You'll believe a man can fly." I was amusing myself last night by coming up with a few other "You'll believe.." catchphrases for other superhero movies.

So.

Superman II - "You'll believe.. a man can hurl giant cellophane S-symbols."
Superman III - "You'll believe.. Richard Pryor needed the paycheck."
Superman IV - "You'll believe.. you're owed a complete refund."
Superman Returns - "You'll believe.. a man can cry."
The Dark Knight - "You'll believe.. in Harvey Dent, unless you've actually ever read a Batman comic."
Ang Lee's Hulk - "You'll believe.. a man can actually sleep through an 'action' movie."

Try your own. Go nuts, kids. Make me laugh.
candidgamera: (Default)
Economy of Scale is the notion that when you buy more of something, you save on the price per unit, because the high quantity allows the manufacturer to compress some of the costs associated with the item. Simple enough.

This notion is the root of one of my all-time favorite jokes, which goes thusly :

Guy One : "You're losing a dollar on every one of these you sell! How do you turn a profit?"
Guy Two : "Volume!"

Anyway. There's an oddity at McDonald's. I present to you Chicken McNugget prices, as observed by me, today:

20 Nuggets - $5.19 - Price Per Nugget : 26 cents.
10 Nuggets - $3.29 (though another spot on the menu had it at $3.49) - Price Per Nugget : 33 cents.
6 Nuggets - $2.59 - Price Per Nugget : 43 cents.

So far, sensible. But here's the quirk :

4 Nuggets - $1.00 - Price Per Nugget : 25 cents.

That makes no frigging sense. Why are the other options even on the menu? No matter how many nuggets you want, it is always better to buy them in units of four. Even if you only want six, buy two units of four and you save money. Does McDonald's really get that many college students at 1AM, coming in stoned and ordering 20 nuggets because they've blitzed themselves beyond the point of being able to multiply by five?
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Nite Owl Promotional Poster :



Not bad..

And the edit. )
candidgamera: (Default)
Okay, so there's a movie coming out next year based on the Watchmen graphic novel, one of the classics of the comic book medium.

At Comic-Con, they released a series of promotional posters featuring the characters of the movie/graphic novel.

This is the one for Ozymandius, ultra-genius :



When I saw it, I was reminded of another movie.

And I had to edit.. )
candidgamera: (Default)
Borrowed from a messageboard I frequent.

Animal  Rights
candidgamera: (Default)
The Exalted game went off on Saturday, and was excellent fun, even if we weren't entirely, one hundred percent serious. The running gag of song title references was fun, though.

Though I was probably too far over the line of silly with this -

NPC : "He approaches. The Walker in the Wilderness."
Me (In Character, At First..) : "Tell me more about this.. Walker. (beat) This.. Texas Ranger."

Sunday started out as a good day - I relaxed with some episodes of Arrested Development, which is always awesome - but shortly after supper, I felt bad. Not an upset stomach, but a migraine headache or close facsimile. This one wasn't as bad as the ones I've had in the past - wherein I pray effusively for death or deliverance - but bad enough that I didn't want to do anything involving eyesight.

I got a damp washcloth for my forehead, popped a few Tylenol, and lay down in the dark for an hour and a half. The headache mostly subsided, but there was still a twinge of pain when I finished that semi-nap, as if to warn me not to use my eyes for anything else that evening. So I went to bed at 9:30. The extra sleep helped me feel fan-friggin-tastic this morning, though there's still a bit of tenderness on the interior of the brain - twinges of pain when I cough, for instance.

In other news, Starfox.

dog
see more dog pictures
candidgamera: (tardy)
Melissa Millward is so punk, she actually owns two registered sex pistols.

Emo kids hate themselves because they're not Melissa Millward.

Melissa Millward isn't Goth. Goth kids worship death - Melissa Millward IS death.

Melissa Millward can't live in Seattle. If she did, the city would be so cool as to freeze over. She has to live in Utah to balance things out.

Michelangelo stole his best ideas from Melissa Millward.

Hellbound

Jul. 7th, 2008 12:45 pm
candidgamera: (devil)
Yup, that's me - inspired by some pictures on [livejournal.com profile] nyx_hemsut's journal, I took fifteen minutes last night to come up with my own Christian-themed road sign.

Yes, I am a Christian by faith, and no, I'm not particularly religious in nature. Still, this is one of the more sacri-licious things I've ever done..

The picture.. )
candidgamera: (dragon turtle)
I ran a session of my D&D game on Saturday - went pretty well, culminating in a very tight combat with a White Dragon that really could have gone either way. Some amusing bits :

Eric referring to the melted remains of a Frost Wyrm (they turn into ice when they die) as 'Frost Giant Water'. This led to a string of riffs on drug-testing your Frost Giants, because of all the "snow" they come into contact with. The sample jars would be enormous.

Eric asserted that he wasn't going to take time to slaughter a nearby village of goblins, and [livejournal.com profile] sheliakbob praised his restraint - then realized it's sad that Eric's character refraining from slaughter is so out of the ordinary that it deserves praise. That lead to a series of riffs on 'Atrocities Anonymous.'

Me : 'Hi, my name is Adolf.'
Players : 'Hi, Adolf!'
Me : 'It's been forty years since my last genocide..'

The capper of the evening, though, was this gem. They'd captured a drow agent - part of a small army of drow combing the frigid hills, looking for the wizard the party intended to protect. So once he was all trussed up, they began to interrogate.

[livejournal.com profile] mint_tea wanted to know how close the drow forces were to locating the wizard, who was now travelling with the party. But what she said was :

[livejournal.com profile] mint_tea (points to the wizard) 'How much do you know about his location?'
Me, answering as the Drow, also pointing : 'He's right over there.'
[livejournal.com profile] mint_tea : 'That's not what I meant!'
candidgamera: (devil)
[ Interior Scene : An Executive Boardroom. Five Business Executives are arrayed around a meeting table, which holds a speakerphone.]

[ Cast : Five American Business Executives - Adam, Bob, Carl, Dave, and Edward; and one foreign associate via speakerphone, Fritz.]

[Adam] Okay, Fritz, we're all very excited to be working with you and your people, so let's hear a few ideas.

[Fritz] Excellent! Well, the first idea, it is 'Holos'.

[Dave] Holos?

[Fritz] Much like the inferior Rolos, but with pure, white chocolate!

[Adam] I already don't like where this is going..

[Carl] White chocolate is very in this year..

[Fritz] A pure candy such as this could gradually eliminate the inferior specimens from the market. We can market them to the ones who are proud of their pure heritage..

[Adam] This is ridiculous.

[Edward] Are you suggesting we simply ignore the white supremacist market segment?

[Carl] Membership in Neo-Nazi groups has been climbing in this decade.

[Bob](looks uncomfortable) I don't know about this..

[Dave] There really is no candy that is targeted to those people.

[Adam] (dubious) I just don't think it's a good idea..

[Edward] We'd have an exclusive on the market; we'd make millions.

[Adam] (sighs) Fine. We can discuss it. For argument's sake, I'll play the target audience. I'm your hypothetical Neo-Nazi, with hypothetical Hitler memorabilia, and I hypothetically arranged for the death of Bob's impure family.

[Bob] My family? You bastard!

[Adam] Sorry, Bob, they're Jewish, so I had to hypothetically kill them.

[Bob] My wife's maiden name is Schmidt! It's a good, German name - she's not Jewish!

[Adam] (shrugs) I can't help it, Bob. I'm a hypothetical Neo-Nazi, and thus, not very rational. My violent nature and limited education causes me to make snap decisions and to prefer candy that speaks to my racial heritage. What's hypothetically done is done.

[Dave] Bob, you really shouldn't have said that, you're implying that Jewish names aren't good German names.. it's not very PC.

[Bob] (sobbing, running out) My family!

[Adam] (turning back to the meeting at hand) Okay, so - 'Holos'. As a hypothetical Neo-Nazi, I'm not liking the idea of a caramel filling, and a simple solid chunk of white chocolate won't sell. What do you put inside?

[Fritz] I was thinking maybe.. coconut?

[Carl] (grimaces) Coconut's very down this year. Sales are off twenty percent.

[Adam] Good. That settles that, then - moving on, what else have you got, Fritz?

[Fritz] A new kind of cookie - Luftwafers!

[Adam] I'm beginning to sense a theme, here.

[Fritz] A theme of profit and purity for us all!

[Dave] I don't know, the cookie market is awfully hard to penetrate..

[Adam] (hits the mute button on the speakerphone) Okay, who approved the buyout of Aryan Confectionery Co.?

[Edward] I think it was Bob.

[Adam] After this meeting, Bob's fired. Oh, and get him a card and some flowers for his family.

[Edward] But you only hypothetically killed them.

[Adam] Then buy the card and flowers at a hypothetical florist, do I have to think of everything?

[Dave] Bob was pretty broken up about it.

[Edward] (grudgingly nods, as Adam unmutes the phone)

[Adam] Okay, Fritz, I don't think the Luftwafers are going to cut it. We have time for one more pitch, though.

[Fritz] Fine, fine. How about this - a long-lasting, fruit flavored candy shaped like a boot - I call it the Everlasting Goosestepper!

(silence)

[Carl] (cautiously) Footwear is a very up trend this year..

[Dave] (nodding) Plays well with the paramilitary crowds..

[Edward] Layers of flavor - relatively inexpensive to manufacture..

[Fritz] If you want a vision of the future of candy, picture a fruit-flavored boot stomping on the teeth of humanity - forever!

[Adam] (after a moment's pause to think) I like it. Hell, we'll sell them in pairs. Nice job, Fritz.

[ End Scene. ]
candidgamera: (devil)
I'd like to address what is, to me, a vital issue in the modern United States, and what will certainly be a deciding factor in November's election.

Action Figures. Dolls. These are not the same thing, people. And it goes beyond a simple gender divide - the objects themselves are inherently, inarguably different! I'm going to take this point by point.

Names: Dolls have names like 'Betsy Wetsy' or 'Chatty Kathy'. Action figures have names like 'Starscream' or 'Stormshadow'.

Purpose: Dolls, like action figures, are playthings, but that is where the similarity ends. A doll's purpose may be to passively stand in for a baby or playmate figure, perhaps to educate younglings on parenting roles or the like. An action figure's purpose is more likely be defeating the sinister terroristic forces of COBRA.

Action: Dolls may come with 'real pants-wetting action'. Action figures may come with cap-powered 'Thunder-punch' action.

Documents: Dolls come with birth certificates, perhaps lists of favorite foods. Action figures come with dossiers, perhaps Strength or Intelligence graphs.

Accessories: Dolls are associated with accessories like houses and cars. Action figures get accessories like space shuttles, kryptonite rings, and aircraft carriers.

There you have it. Empirical evidence.
candidgamera: (devil)
(Long opening shot of a baby's first moments of life, fading into a montage from childhood, focusing on education.)

(Movie Trailer Voice guy :)

He was born.. just like you. He grew up .. to be something more.

Infused with trivia knowledge from the first moment he could read, he has been prepared for this day..

(A shot of a familiar game-show stage, and Alex Trebek.)

But can anything prepare him for.. Final Jeopardy?

(A montage of action sequences that have nothing to do with anything, with lots of explosions.)

Coming this Summer..

(A horrified reaction shot as the Jeopardy question board begins to fall on him.)

How much would YOU wager...

(Gratuitous Sean Connery cameo.)

When Terror..

(Alternating shots of a bomb timer, and the main character with the buzzer in his hand.)

.. Is in the form of a question?

This film has been rated [R] for action, violence, scenes of intense trivia, and brief upper-lip nudity.
candidgamera: (devil)
Or, at least, a sign in front of a church. You know the kind - oft decorated with offensive moralizing or trite inanities. Occasionally, you'll get some clever, truly witty gem.

Well, I drive by a church on my way into work every morning, and their sign tends towards the 'trite inanities' variety, and this morning was no exception.

It read : "Grandparents are God's greatest gift to children."

I mentally added : "But the kids would rather play with the box they came in."

I have a sort of twisted sense of humor that way.

Had a brief movie night last night, watching some Venture Bros., and letting [livejournal.com profile] eemick2 demonstrate Persona 3. Amusing game.
candidgamera: (tardy)
A couple weeks ago, I received from the county assessor's office a form. This form was dubbed a 'self-assessment' - used to report property of various sorts. There's a space for vehicles, mobile homes, real estate, dogs, and - so you can accurately pay your 'coyote' fees - a space to list livestock like goats.

It is accompanied by a leaflet that explains the form in more detail, but without offering any real information. Things like : 'Under owner's value, put the owner's value.' Zen instructions, I suppose. 'Wherever you sign, there's your name.'

So I am looking at this pair of documents, and despairing. They list my truck, but not my house. But this is supposed to be the state of things as of last July 1st, so did they just miss my house? I had owned it at the time. For the truck, they want an owner's value, and a bed length, et cetera. For the house, they want map and plot information, my value for the land and the house, et cetera.

And realistically, I know that "my value" can't be that useful to them. They're going to tax me on their value, not mine. I could put $5 there, or $5 billion.

Finally, yesterday, I called the assessor's office. I wanted to know just what information they needed from me, so I could move on with my life, with my goats adequately protected from coyotes. I start to explain how my house isn't on there, I ask what do they mean by 'my value', et cetera.

Her : "Sir, all you need to do is sign and return the form."
Me : "What? But the instructions say X, and Y.."
Her : "I know. It's a state form, we only use the vehicle section really - if you have the same vehicle as last year, just sign and return the form."
Me : "Okaaay.."

Like I'm going to argue much about not having to fill out the form. Still, I have to wonder - the little instruction book was printed with Marion County information specifically. It contained instructions for each section of the form, not just the vehicles. The extra instructions did not read : 'Don't fill this out. We don't use this.' So.. odd.

Makes me wonder if they donate half the coyote fee to the coyotes. I mean, they keep affording all those ACME gadgets somehow.
candidgamera: (tardy)
I was in Wal-Mart on Saturday - I sometimes do grocery shopping there, these days, as they carry most of the things I want, and it's a lot closer than hopping up to Morgantown to go to Kroger's, as I had been doing. I was back near the frozen food section, selecting a lovely frozen pizza. (DiGiornio's Ultimate line - I'm quite fond of them, so far.)

Well, I heard a noise - and it's hard to describe. Imagine the bleat of a goat, but without the characteristic quaver. The sort of noise a child makes when it is upset and crying, but without the 'edge' to it that emotion would bring.

Sure enough, I turn to look, and there's a little tyke, maybe about three, sitting in his mother's shopping cart and emitting these periodic bleats. He's not crying, he's not upset, no indication of any kind of trauma whatsoever. As far as I can tell, he's just testing the acoustics. Well, while I'm still trying to process the reasoning behind this odd noise, I hear a bleat from behind me.

I turn, and there's another tyke, about three, in another shopping cart. The first tyke bleats in response, and the second bleats again. It's like when one dog's barking sets off another. So they go back and forth like that as I wander out of earshot.

The thought that they might be Neptunian space invaders in human form, communicating in an alien tongue, did occur to me, but that's ridiculous. The accent was all wrong.
candidgamera: (olsen)
Decided to skip my trip to the comic store last night, because I thought I might have to build an ark. Once the rain subsided, I didn't think I could get to the store before it closed. Meh. Still, some cool stuff came out yesterday, so I think I'll make the effort to go this evening.

Last night, inspired by some amusement from a Marvel RPG I participate in, I produced this.

JJJ Banner


Based on DC's current promotional materials for the 'Countdown' series which ask 'What Would Mary Marvel Do?' That's where the orange background comes from. The Jonah is from the Brothers Hildebrant; the word balloon was cribbed from an issue of Firestorm.
candidgamera: (song)
I prepared myself a tasty repast of frozen chicken strips yesterday evening. The box proclaims proudly that they are made with real white meat.

I found myself wondering, in a day and age where we can quibble over the what the definition of 'is' is, about the definition of 'with' in that context.

Possibly, they actually throw bits of white meat in the mix, or the strips are composed entirely of white meat. That would certainly be the most straightforward interpretation. Or, perhaps they make white-meat products right alongside the area where they make these strips, thus they can be said to be made 'with' each other. Or, maybe they mean 'with' in the sense that a departed relative is always with us, in our memories, inspiring us.

"Gee, Frank - that 'white meat' stuff is a real inspiration. I hope one day our product can approximate its meaty goodness."

Maybe they even put a little picture of a piece of white meat up, to inspire the workers. Something with a nice, tasteful frame.. perhaps a candle in front of it in a little shrine. The workers come in, take communion with a chicken nugget and some broth, cross themselves and cluck, and go to their positions.

Or perhaps I'm being silly.
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