candidgamera | Origins Appendix

The Auditioners are comical superhero characters, reminiscent of The Tick or Mystery Men. Nine individuals will powers slightly beyond those of mortal men, they defend Fair City to the best of their limited ability. They came together at a reality show contest - gathered together to compete for a spot on Fair City's premier superteam. Regrettably, that superteam was eliminated by sinister 1970's-era technologist, Max Beta. The Auditioners picked up the slack, however.

I've played two Auditioners scenarios at Origins, now. This year's was 'Image is Everything' - the Auditioners' television exploits are suffering from weakening ratings, and their agent brings in comic book auteur -slash- Image consultant, Lee Robfeld, to update the Auditioners in various ways. He also recommends they consult with relatively new superteam, Extreme Force. Extreme Force is, as you can imagine, Extreeeeeeeeme. Regrettably, they're so dedicated to maintaining their expensive lifestyle that, in addition to the crime of excessive use of force, they've actually turned to stealing from the scene of crimes they foil. When this is discovered, it's up to the Auditioners to take them down.

Extreme Force includes : Pinhead, the team's brick, with a disproportionately tiny noggin; Brickhouse, the team's bimbo-slash-brick; Stone, who uses his curling skills to deadly effect; a jester-like gadgeteer whose name escapes me; and Opossum, with savage claws on his hands and feet, and the ability to play dead. There's also a gal on a pogo stick whose name I can't recall.

The scenario the year before was even funnier, as it pitted the Auditioners up against their respective archnemeses, in : They Saved Hitler's Dog's Brain.

Here's the team, listed with their archnemeses, where I can recall the details:

Above Average Woman - an army volunteer in the days leading up to World War II, she was in a program working on a super-soldier serum. Regrettably, the chief scientist was assassinated, but not before one and a half doses of the serum were produced. The full dose went to a male volunteer, but she got the half-dose, becoming - Above Average Woman! The army put her where they thought she would do the most good - a USO ship - and she entertained the troops until one fateful night - she fell overboard and was trapped in an iceberg, only to be thawed out in the modern day. Her nemesis is Blondie, Hitler's dog - a German Shepherd's brain, in the body of a chihuahua, piloting a robotic German Shepherd exoskeleton.
Dark Avenger - Mild-mannered Spaz Geekley made a rare discovery one day - he ordered all the gimmicks and gadgets out of a 1972 issue of Daredevil. Surprisingly, they worked! He uses his X-Ray Specs, his Laser Pen, his Hypnotic coin and his Sea Monkeys to fight crime, as the Dark Avenger! He also has enormous wealth, acquired by selling subscriptions to Grit. His nemesis is The Backpack - a fellow comics nerd, gone horribly wrong. The Backpack carries a backpack wherever he goes - and it's weighted with evil. And Cheetos.
The Pedestrian - You know the little guy on men's bathroom signs? Or crossing the street on crosswalk signs? That's him. The Pedestrian is a seemingly faceless figure, but he is dedicated to the cause of traffic safety. He can use his powers to turn two-dimensional, and he can teleport between road or bathroom signs. His nemesis is The Driver, if memory serves.
Speedbump - Speedbump is an ordinary man, with a blind dog. However, when he invokes his magic word, he gains superspeed! Unfortunately, the process also transfers his sense of sight to his dog - who moves at normal speed. His nemesis is the trenchcoated teleporting pervert, The Flasher.
Glamour Guy - Glamour Gal was a golden age superheroine with a number of fashion-related gadgets - entangling fishnets, laser lipstick, et cetera. Well, now her son has taken up the superhero biz, and despite being a fairly masculine guy, he's sort of stuck with Mom's crimefighting gear. His nemesis is The Pink Bunny, another fellow with powers based on an unfortunately inappropriate costume.
People Person - the team's mentalist, she's a real booster who helps people self-actualize their inner child and harmonize with the demands of life, through the wisdom of Oprah. she never misses an episode. He nemesis is Dr. Phil.
Red Shirt - at a Star Trek convention in Marrakesh, the man who would become Red Shirt bought a bootleg reproduction of a Star Trek : Original Series security uniform - however, the shirt possessed a mysterious power. Whenever he is killed, he will heal, returning to life. The power of the shirt, plus a knowledge of Trek-style martial arts, aids him in his fight against crime. His nemesis is Scream Queen, with her piercing sonic powers.
Barnraiser - one of the most powerful Auditioners, Barnraiser actually has some hero experience, as a former member of the Justice League Amish. (Including such luminaries as Grey Arrow, the Grey Lantern, Grey Tornado..) He is the brick, with a massive strength. Regrettably, his crimefighting efforts are hampered by the fact that he is a complete pacifist. His nemesis is The Shaker, a fellow pacifist, who possesses sinister Mad Carpentry skills.
Rubber Band Man - the team's sniper, Rubber Band Man fires tiny projectiles with deadly accuracy. His nemesis is the disgusting, vile Spitwad.